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Resilience

Achievement, Adversity and the Stockdale Paradox

The Allure of Positive Thinking

Conventional wisdom in the space of personal development and achievement, has long contended that a positive mindset is a precondition for success.

From Napoleon Hill’s ‘Think and Grow Rich’ to the many works of psychologist, Martin Seligman, the ‘founder of positive psychology’ and the recent and compelling ‘The Happiness Advantage’ by former Harvard Professor, Shawn Achor, the case for maintaining a positive mindset when facing a challenge is well evidenced and argued. Additionally, for many, being positive in the face of adversity and challenge makes intuitive sense.

The Problem with Positive Thinking

More recently, however, a number of experts including Gabriele Oettingen, Professor of Psychology at New York University and author of ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking’ and Todd B. Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener, authors of ‘The Upside of Your Dark Side’, have cautioned against the dangers of positive thinking.

Oettingen argues that a focus on positive thinking can result in the feeling of being successful getting in the way of the reality of achieving success. Kashdan and Biswas-Diner contend that so-called negative emotions such as anger and guilt can be powerful motivators and as such useful tools for achievement.

The Stockdale Paradox

 While there are many proven techniques and strategies for utilizing the power of both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ thinking, the Stockdale Paradox provides an accessible and practical philosophy for dealing with challenge and adversity.

Admiral Jim Stockdale, was a United States military officer held captive for eight years during the Vietnam War. Stockdale was tortured throughout his imprisonment but never lost faith that he would one day be released.

Admiral Stockdale stated

“I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

He noted, however, that it was always the most optimistic of his fellow detainees who died before being released. In the words of Admiral Stockdale

“They were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

Many of those who did not make it, often failed to confront the harsh reality of their situation, continually deluding themselves that they were about to be released. Ultimately the constant disappointments were too much for them to handle.

Admiral Stockdale accepted the harsh reality of his situation but rather than exist in a state of denial, he worked to lift the morale and prolong the lives of his fellow detainees. He created a tapping code so they could communicate and a milestone system that helped them deal with torture. He also sent coded messages hidden in his letters to his wife.

Putting the Paradox into Practice

 When dealing with difficult situations, whether they be the challenges that come with attempting to achieve an important goal or dealing with adversity, the Stockdale Paradox is an approach that can provide the necessary fortitude.

Governor Eric Greitens, former Navy Seal and author of the insightful and inspirational ‘Resilience – Hard Won Wisdom for Living a Better life’ sums up the application of the Stockdale Paradox

“In the face of hardship, you have to maintain a clear focus on your harsh reality. It does you no good to sugarcoat the facts. It does you no good to fantasize about what might be. You have to maintain clarity about your reality. The paradox, however, is that at the same time you have to find a way to maintain hope.’

 In the words of Admiral Stockdale

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

Motivation Gets You Started- Habit Keeps Your Going. But Only This Quality Enables You to Finish and Succeed

 

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”

Jim Rohn

There is much wisdom in the much-shared quote from Jim Rohn; but it is only two thirds of the picture. The third element is essential when it comes to achieving great things. It goes by the name of resilience.

Not as sexy as motivation. Not as easy to give practical advice for, as the concept of habits is. But if you don’t have resilience – then you’re unlikely to succeed. Just look around at the many individuals and organizations that started out with great energy, enthusiasm and promise but failed to reach the finishing line.

But I Did Everything Right

You may be highly motivated, have done the detailed planning with your Gantt chart, collated the necessary resources and done all of the right things at the right time and in the right way. But you can bet your bottom dollar you are going to face unexpected setbacks that push you to your limits.

There seems to be an equation which is something like the greater your goals and ambition, the more obstacles you will face along the way.

A Well Trodden Path

Most people are familiar with the account of Colonel Sanders and his bid to bring his Kentucky Fried Chicken recipe to the world. He was reportedly turned down 1009 times. Yes, you read right- 1009 rejections.

Agatha Christie faced 5 years of continual rejections and J K Rowling’s Harry Potter manuscript was rejected by 12 publishing houses. By contrast in terms of activity and time frame you might remember the resilience displayed by Kerri Strugg in the 1996 Olympics. If you don’t here’s the clip

I could go on with examples from the battlefield or the world of startups but you get the picture. It is rare for there to be gain without pain.

Prioritize Resilience

There is a debate amongst experts as to what is extent people are born resilient, how much is developed during childhood and what can be learned and developed. While the debate continues, what remains clear is that with effort and a willingness to experiment you can increase your resilience.

Whether it’s incorporating a daily practice of stepping out of your comfort zone, upgrading your mindset or using brain entrainment technologies there are plenty of options. One size doesn’t fit all hence my reference to a willingness to experiment.

At the end of the day, whether your planning to put a ding in the universe or want to provide a good lifestyle for your family, give as much thought to becoming resilient as you do to motivation and habits and your chances of crossing the finish line will increase dramatically.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to improve their Performance, Focus and Pressure Management

Five to Thrive at the Weekend

After a full on week, towards the end of what may have felt like a long year, the weekends provide an opportunity to recharge and rejuvenate. There are many ways you can do that – great food, a massage or sauna or walk in the park on or on the beach.

Or you can read. I read over 200 articles and at least 8 books a month. These are five that either inspired, energized or nourished my mind in some way. The ones that made pause and think.

Article – 20 Rules of Life A Japanese Samurai Wrote Almost 400 Years Ago That Will Change You

I really loved this post as the rules are timeless and set standards that we should all aspire to. It made me realise how far I have to go.

Book – ‘Discipline Equals Freedom – A Field Manual’ By Jocko Willink.

This time a book written by a modern day warrior; a former Navy Seal Commander.

This is a very quick read, but every page packs a punch. It would be impossible not to make progress if you lived by only a handful of these principles. The perfect read if you’re struggling and / or have big ambitions.

Article – ‘How to Remember What You Read‘

This is an extremely useful resource that provides insights and practical advice, the usefulness of which goes way beyond remembering what you read.

Article – ‘This is the World’s Most Relaxing Song‘

This is a bold claim. The track is available for free on the internet, and having played it a number of times, I can say it definitely worked for me. Don’t listen to it while you drive.

Book- ‘Principles: Life and Work ‘ By Ray Dalio

Dalio is the founder of one of the largest hedge funds in the world.

The New York Times described the book as

“Significant…The book is both instructive and surprisingly moving.” and Bill Gates said

“Ray Dalio has provided me with invaluable guidance and insights that are now available to you in Principles.”

I am still listening to the book and have a feeling I will be listening to it more than once.

Have a great weekend

 

The Ultimate Model of Fearlessness, Focus and Resilience

Modeling Excellence

One of the most important skills Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) teaches you, is how to model examples of excellence. We can model human behavior by mastering the beliefs, physiology and specific thought processes that underpin the skill or behavior.

I was fortunate to be trained many years ago as a Master Practitioner of NLP by one of NLP’s original creators and have found modeling extremely useful in my coaching work when working with elite performers and those who want to take their performance to the next level.

A Model of Fearlessness, Focus and Resilience

I have learned much about fearlessness, focus and resilience, from my work with special-forces operators and elite athletes. It dawned on me today that I have the ultimate example of these qualities at home that would rival any modern day warrior or Olympic athlete. That model of excellence is my puppy Buddy.

Fearlessness

Buddy is always willing to try new things and never hesitates. He just goes for it without fear of the consequences. A recent example of this was when he dived head first into a cold pond and completely disappeared from sight. He had never been in the water before. To my relief he surfaced a few seconds later and came and shook the water all over me, before diving back in.

Focus

When Buddy locks his sights on something – usually food or another dog – then he is oblivious to anything else around him. He develops this incredible tunnel vision and it doesn’t matter how loud I call to him; he is 100% focused on his target. He may as well been trained by my recent show guest, former Navy SEAL and SEAL Sniper Head Instructor Brandon Webb .

Resilience

From time to time Buddy gets into scraps with other dogs; usually bigger dogs. Or he will fall off the sofa and land on his head or misjudge the jump into the backseat of my jeep and land in a way that would make any guy wince. But not Buddy. He simply picks himself up, no whining or looking back. Just looking forward to his next mission.

There are many books, articles and schools that purport to show humans how to train dogs. I can’t help thinking we humans could learn a lot from Buddy and his fellow dogs.

I asked Buddy if he would be willing to be my guest on The Outperform Show, but he declined saying he had to focus on achieving his goals and not helping me with mine…

PS. I wrote this post 2 years ago. This summer Buddy proved himself to be a real hero when we woke my wife and I up at 3am because our bedroom was on fire. I was out cold because of the smoke fumes but rather than save himself and escape Buddy kept barking and jumping on top of my wife until she woke up. Thanks to Buddy we escaped with minutes to spare before the top floor went up in flames. Buddy suffered as a result with chemical poisoning and PTSD but thankfully is on the road to recovery.

How to Harness Fear, Failure and Frustration to Dramatically Increase Motivation

 

fear and motivation

Motivation is frequently linked to optimism and positivity. The 1952 classic and bestseller ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by the Reverend Norman Vincent Peale, was translated into 15 languages and to date has sold more than 7million copies. It is still very popular today.

Positive thinking dominates the fields of self-help and human performance, from images with inspirational quotations (the sort that I frequently share on social media) to the use of tried and tested mental performance tools such as positive self-talk and visualizing success.

To be clear, these tools are not used by hippies in fields of flowers living a vegan, organic lifestyle, but by Olympians, special forces operators and other elite performers, as well as being a management tool used by many Fortune 500 companies.

In ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’, Nobel Prize-winner Daniel Kahneman described optimism as the “engine of capitalism” stating that:

“Optimistic individuals play a disproportionate role in shaping our lives. Their decisions make a difference; they are the inventors, the entrepreneurs, the political and military leaders — not average people.”

Professor Martin Seligman, former President of the American Psychological Association and credited as being the ‘father of Positive Psychology has repeatedly demonstrated that optimism promotes both resilience and persistence.

Seligman consulted with the Pentagon on the development of the military’s Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program, which sought to assess and enhance soldiers’ ability to cope with all of life’s challenges, including the mental rigors of combat.

The authors (one a retired Navy SEAL) of ‘Stronger: Develop the Resilience You Need to Succeed’ identify active optimism as the leading factor in personal resilience—the ability to tolerate stress, see opportunities in adversity, and keep pushing forward.

So it’s clear; being opimistic and focusing on the positive increases motivation, resilience and achievement. However


The Downside of Being Upbeat

Over the past few years researchers, neuroscientists and psychologists have begun to demonstrate that focusing on the positive can be detrimental to motivation and achievement.

New York University psychology professor and author of ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking’  Gabriele Oettingen, persuasively contends that visualizing a successful outcome can make people less likely to achieve it.

Researchers have also found that people in a negative mood develop more persuasive arguments than people in a positive mood, and that negative moods can improve memory.

Perhaps this is why so many lawyers are negative and suffer from disproportionately high levels of depression than other professions. Although never suffering from depression, as a Barrister practising at the Bar of England and Wales for 14 years (arguing cases rather than making coffee), I certainly spent much of my career focusing on the negative.

Denial can also be a consequence of positive thinking. Barbara Ehrenreich, journalist and author of ‘Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America’, argues that the 2008 economic crisis was partly a result of people’s refusal to consider negative outcomes, like mortgage defaults.

The Upside of Focusing on the Negative

Focusing on the negative can have two distinct benefits. The first is the avoidance of denial and enabling of more effective planning. The second benefit is that negative emotions, possibly triggered by painful memories, can fuel determination and action.

One effective technique for utilising the power of negative focus is that of the premortem. Here you imagine things have gone wrong before they have and then analyse all of the reasons you might have failed.

Brad Stulberg, author of ‘Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout’ and Thrive With the New Science of Success’ explains

“It may seem like the negative thinking inherent to a premortem would work against self-belief and confidence. But if anything, it actually works toward it. When you force yourself to become aware of all that could go wrong, you become more likely to take the necessary steps to ensure that things go right.”

Using the Dark Side as Motivation

Elite performers will frequently access their painful memories, dark thoughts and negative emotions to fuel their motivation during extreme challlenges.

Robert Wicks, psychologist and author of the book ‘Bounce: Living the Resilient Life’, talks of the angry resolve frustrated athletes feel as “sweet disgust”. This refers to the determination to fight back which goes hand in hand, in this context, with anger.

Tim Grover, coach to legends such as Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant and author of the compelling ‘Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable’ refers to controlled anger being a deadly weapon that

“can ignite our competitive intensity, laser focus, and a relentless craving to attack and conquer.”

Retired Navy SEAL and ultra-marathon runner, David Goggins, described as ‘the hardest man alive’ uses his difficult experiences to fuel his motivation as well as thinking some very dark thoughts. His achievements are truly remarkable. Watch this interview with him and you’ll immediately understand what I mean.

Last week I had the privilege of interviewing Ret Navy SEAL Commander, Alden Mills, for my podcast show. In addition to having operated in the SEALS, Mills also overcame asthma, going on to win a gold medal for rowing, went on to lead his first company to $90 million in sales in just three years and authored the excellent ‘Be Unstoppable: The 8 Essential Actions to Succeed at Anything’.

During the interview Mills describes how, in times of challenge, he would intensely visualize himself failing and the attendant painful consequences of doing so. These negative visualizations would help propel him forward to crush the obstacle or challenge.

Key Takeaways

  • Mental performance techniques and strategies that focus on positivity and active optimism can be powerful solutions for increasing motivation and action.
  • For some people, in some contexts, positive thinking can undermine motivation and achievement.
  • Anger, painful memories or future visualizations of negative outcomes can be very powerful tools for increasing motivation and driving performance, particularly when facing extreme challenges.
  • One size does not fit all. Which strategy works will depend on who you are, what is going on in your life at the time and what challenge you are facing.