mindset

Jan 28 2018

Achievement, Adversity and the Stockdale Paradox

The Allure of Positive Thinking

Conventional wisdom in the space of personal development and achievement, has long contended that a positive mindset is a precondition for success.

From Napoleon Hill’s ‘Think and Grow Rich’ to the many works of psychologist, Martin Seligman, the ‘founder of positive psychology’ and the recent and compelling ‘The Happiness Advantage’ by former Harvard Professor, Shawn Achor, the case for maintaining a positive mindset when facing a challenge is well evidenced and argued. Additionally, for many, being positive in the face of adversity and challenge makes intuitive sense.

The Problem with Positive Thinking

More recently, however, a number of experts including Gabriele Oettingen, Professor of Psychology at New York University and author of ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking’ and Todd B. Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener, authors of ‘The Upside of Your Dark Side’, have cautioned against the dangers of positive thinking.

Oettingen argues that a focus on positive thinking can result in the feeling of being successful getting in the way of the reality of achieving success. Kashdan and Biswas-Diner contend that so-called negative emotions such as anger and guilt can be powerful motivators and as such useful tools for achievement.

The Stockdale Paradox

While there are many proven techniques and strategies for utilizing the power of both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ thinking, the Stockdale Paradox provides an accessible and practical philosophy for dealing with challenge and adversity.

Admiral Jim Stockdale, was a United States military officer held captive for eight years during the Vietnam War. Stockdale was tortured throughout his imprisonment but never lost faith that he would one day be released.

Admiral Stockdale stated

“I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

He noted, however, that it was always the most optimistic of his fellow detainees who died before being released. In the words of Admiral Stockdale

“They were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

Many of those who did not make it, often failed to confront the harsh reality of their situation, continually deluding themselves that they were about to be released. Ultimately the constant disappointments were too much for them to handle.

Admiral Stockdale accepted the harsh reality of his situation but rather than exist in a state of denial, he worked to lift the morale and prolong the lives of his fellow detainees. He created a tapping code so they could communicate and a milestone system that helped them deal with torture. He also sent coded messages hidden in his letters to his wife.

Putting the Paradox into Practice

When dealing with difficult situations, whether they be the challenges that come with attempting to achieve an important goal or dealing with adversity, the Stockdale Paradox is an approach that can provide the necessary fortitude.

Governor Eric Greitens, former Navy Seal and author of the insightful and inspirational ‘Resilience – Hard Won Wisdom for Living a Better life’ sums up the application of the Stockdale Paradox

“In the face of hardship, you have to maintain a clear focus on your harsh reality. It does you no good to sugarcoat the facts. It does you no good to fantasize about what might be. You have to maintain clarity about your reality. The paradox, however, is that at the same time you have to find a way to maintain hope.’

In the words of Admiral Stockdale

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

Sep 03 2017

How to Change Your Mindset and Achieve Your Potential

THE PAST

For thousands of years it was believed by experts and athletes that the human body was not capable of running a 4-minute mile. In the 1940’s, the mile record was pushed to 4:01, where it stood for nine years. On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister decided to change things and broke the 4-minute barrier, running the distance in 3:59.4. As part of his training, he relentlessly visualized the achievement in order to create a sense of certainty in his mind and body. Believing it was possible, Bannister planned and trained for success. He changed his training regimen, training more frequently and with harder intervals.

Barely a year after Bannister’s accomplishment, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes and then many more did. Now, it’s almost routine. The current fastest time is 3:43.13 by Hicham El Guerrouj. The 4 minute mile barrier was psychological not physical and it’s only a matter of time before the current record is broken.

THE PRESENT

Contrary to previous thinking, scientists now know we have a tremendous capacity for lifelong learning and development. While our genes and ‘natural talent’ may provide some advantages, our mindset, beliefs, efforts and approach will nearly always outweigh what we start out with.

World-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, in her bestselling book ‘Mindset’, explains why it’s not just our abilities and talent that bring us success–but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset.

People with a ‘growth mindset’ know they will get better through effort and embrace and learn from setbacks and failures. People with fixed mindsets believe they either are or are not good at something, based on their inherent nature and talents they are born with and see setbacks and failures as evidence that supports their beliefs.

Lessons From Sports, the Military, Medicine and a Legendary CEO

The importance of mindset is not news to the world of sports. Time and time again we see examples of athletes, who were not the most genetically advantaged beating stronger, faster athletes.

A case in point is the historic boxing match between Muhammad Ali and Sonny Liston. Liston was a feared fighter who had been world heavyweight champ since defeating Floyd Patterson in 1962. He was the most intimidating fighter of his day, and considered to be among the best heavyweights of all-time. Many boxers refused to meet him in the ring.

By contrast, Ali the inexperienced and lighter underdog, had only won a gold medal in the light heavyweight division at the 1960 Olympics in Rome. While training for their fight, Ali, who was a master of his own mindset and psyching his opponents out, taunted Liston and told reporters that he would win by knockout. After the sixth round, Liston, suffering from cuts and bruises under his eyes, announced he couldn’t continue. Ali won by a technical knockout and announced to the world, “I am the greatest!”

The Warrior Mindset

The military are no strangers to the importance of mindset. In the excellent ‘The Way of the Seal’, Former Navy SEAL Commander Mark Divine, explains the importance of finding your 20X factor, in other words doing 20X better than you think you can. Commander Divine states

“The SEAL’s aren’t the first band of warriors to figure out the 20X factor. ..The Spartans used the agoge, a brutal training program for young warriors that forged mental and physical toughness. The Eastern martial arts, such as those of the Shaolin monks and ninjutsu, and native warriors such as the Apache scouts all embraced the 20X factor.”

Mindset and a Legendary CEO

Finally, achievement mindsets are by no means limited to athletes and warriors. Former GE CEO Jack Welch, regarded by many as the greatest CEO of all time is reported to have attached great weight to mindset when hiring executives. According to Dweck, Welch hired according to “runway,” not pedigree, preferring graduates and military veterans to Ivy Leaguers. Welch demonstrated his belief in people’s capacity for growth by spending thousands of hours grooming and coaching employees on his executive team.

Belief and its impact on Health

Belief is at the core of a growth mindset and perhaps the best-known example of the power of belief is that of the placebo effect. Thousands of studies have consistently established that if a person believes they are taking a medication that will have a specific effect e.g. stopping nausea or a headache, then it will, even if they have only taken a sugar coated placebo.

Perhaps more striking are those examples of people with multiple personality disorders having the symptoms of their diseases and conditions instantly vanish as they switch personality

THE FUTURE

Change your OS and Upgrade Your Beliefs and Mindset

Most of us have disempowering and baseless beliefs and mindsets that hold us back in life. Often we developed these beliefs at any early stage, sometimes as a result of what teachers or a parent repeatedly told us. Although there is nearly always no evidential basis for these negative beliefs their effects can be extremely damaging.

Fortunately, there are many highly effective strategies and techniques for rapidly eliminating negative beliefs and upgrading your mindset.

This simple 3-step process is a good starting point.

Identify and Rebut – Write down (more powerful than typing because of the connection between your hand and mind) your limiting beliefs on the left hand column of one side of a sheet of paper and on the right hand column, list all of the reasons that that belief is wrong. This may take some time at first as you are training your brain to think about something in a different way. Look for evidence that undermines your negative beliefs and mindset.

See – Write down your new, empowering beliefs on a sheet of paper. First thing in the morning and last thing at night visualize yourself implementing actions consistent with that belief in some way. It’s important not to make the mistake that many do on focusing on having achieved the goal e.g. completing a difficult task but to visualize yourself taking the steps that will result in a successful outcome.For more on this see Gabriele Oettingen’s ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking’. Your visualization can be a 60 second movie trailer of you working out in the gym or delivering a successful presentation. See the scene through your eyes and play full out and experience as though it were real. As with most things, consistency is key so practice visualizing it on a daily basis for maximum impact.

Act – Bannister didn’t break the 4-minute mile by simply visualizing. He took massive action on a consistent basis. Once you have determined your new beliefs, immediately take at least one meaningful action that is consistent with your new beliefs e.g. if you have decided that you’re a person who can give great presentations, then immediately buy and read the leading book on the topic. Taking instant action takes your belief out of your mind and into reality.

While our beliefs and mindset are not the only components of a winning strategy, there can be no doubt they are the first, and indeed are a precondition for success, achievement and growth.

Aug 20 2017

The Power of Trade-Offs

Can You Have it all?

It took me several decades to fully appreciate that the myth that you can ‘have it all’ really is just that – a myth. This belief, often pedaled by personal development and success coaches, undermines fulfillment and meaningful achievement in our personal and work lives.

The belief that ‘you can have it all’ pervades our lives in various guises ranging from being busy rather than effective, multi-tasking rather than single tasking, working on multiple businesses and projects rather than one, having thousands of online ‘friends’ rather than enjoying a few deep ‘real world’ relationships.

Many Priorities vs One Real Priority

More than ever we live in an era where quantity is perceived as a triumph over quality. Always being busy, having plenty on the go and getting by on a few hours sleep are badges of honor. This thinking in part is driven by not wanting to miss out on the opportunity for something better. The reality is that living our lives this way means that better never comes.

At What Cost?

Living life a life of over-commitment (as I did for much of my twenties and thirties) has many costs including:

Always being stressed
Always feeling exhausted
Always being late for meetings or deadlines
Letting family, friends, co-workers and clients down
Not completing important tasks and projects
Producing poor quality work
Not having any downtime and playtime
The undermining of creativity and clarity
Not feeling fulfilled and happy

When I look back, my greatest regrets are not spending more time with the people who mattered most to me and my greatest failures were often contributed to by spreading myself too thinly, consequently not giving 100%.

Unlocking the Power of Our Most Valuable Asset

Time is our most valuable asset. While we can make more money we cannot make more time. This logically means we cannot have it all. When presented with several attractive options it is natural to want to explore them all. The key, however, to making the most of what we currently have and the many opportunities that lie before us, is to consciously utilize the power of ‘trade-offs’.

When presented with several opportunities at once, rather than proceed with the mindset of having your cake and eating it, decide which of the available options you most want and put your energies and focus into that option only. While this approach is not easy, not least because we are twice as averse to loss as we are to making an equal gain, it’s better to consciously decide to take this path than have the negative consequences of trying to have it all foisted on you.

This may mean deciding whether you choose to spend 2 hours on social media having snatches of conversations with people you have never met or deciding to have a drink or dinner with one of your closest friends whose company you always enjoy. Deciding whether to take just one more call or send one more email or turn up on time for that important meeting? Making the decision not to spread yourself thinly across 3 business that all have potential or putting your time energy and focus into the business your heart is really in, thereby increasing its chances of success.

An Empowering Mindset and Approach

When faced with several attractive opportunities at once, frame your choice in terms of which opportunity (whether personal or work related) you will choose to give 100% to in order to increase the likelihood of success and fulfillment.

This approach is consciously adopted by outperformers across every field. On his return to Apple Steve Jobs famously slashed the number of product lines and focused the company’s time, energies and resources on a select few. Those who excel in sport and athletics, rarely focus on more than one event, even though they might actually be good at 2 or 3. A jack of all trades is rarely a master of one.

Embracing and utilizing the power of trade-offs, not only increases the chances of you succeeding in those endeavors that you fully invest your time, energy and focus in but it also results in less stress and more fulfillment. Saying ‘no’ is liberating. Fewer tasks, projects and businesses and not rushing from one thing to another, inevitably results in greater clarity and creativity. You can breathe again.

Choosing to spend your time with those you love and those whose company you value, as well as spending time doing the things you love, inevitably results in greater happiness and fulfillment. I didn’t have the foresight to live my live this way in the past, but I now have the benefit of hindsight, and while remaining relentless in my desire to succeed and be fulfilled, I will never again be seduced by the myth of having it all.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Aug 06 2017

How to Stop Being a Slave to Your Emotions and Change How Your Feel

Slaves to Emotion

There is a prevalent view in Western societies that it is ‘normal’ that our emotions and feelings influence and in many cases drive our actions. Excuses and justifications from ‘I didn’t feel like doing it’ or ‘I couldn’t help myself’ are the norm and often viewed as acceptable responses and justifications.

We believe that our emotional state is critical to whether we succeed or fail because, so the flawed reasoning continues, because our emotions influence or determine our actions.

Taking this reasoning to its logical conclusion, it is sometimes assumed that emotions ultimately determine our identity e.g. ‘I felt angry (emotion) and lashed out (action) and consequently I am an angry person (identity). We and others identify ourselves by our feelings and behavior.

The Prevalent But Flawed Model

Acting As If

The above approach not only undermines our ability to influence or determine our future but it overlooks the fact that our actions change how we feel. Psychologists have known this for centuries. William James, regarded as the founder of American Psychology, believed that emotions arise from the physical actions we take in response to what is happening in our lives. In other words, behavior creates emotion.

In recent times psychiatrists have started encouraging patients suffering from depression to smile for a few minutes at a time. One recent study found that smiling can double the chances of recovering from depression. You don’t need to feel happy, just make smile irrespective of how you feel inside and your emotions will soon start to match your external representation. Similarly, it has also been repeatedly demonstrated that exercise or even movement changes our emotional state both for the short and long term.

The 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment conducted by Professor Zimardo powerfully demonstrated when people took on certain roles and acted in a certain way they began to feel the way people in those roles felt and began to act consistently with those roles.

Over time, the more consistently you begin to act and consequently feel a certain way, the more you will take on that desired identity. To bring this point to life; if every morning you tackled your most important task first, worked through your priorities using the Pomodoro technique and blocked out distractions with noise canceling headphones and turning off all notifications you would be plainly be productive. If you were consistent in this behavior, over time your would begin to define and be defined as a productive person.

A Virtuous Cycle

None of the above should be taken as suggesting that emotions are irrelevant to our ability to succeed or fail. People often achieve greatness when they are fueled by emotion – both good and bad. By understanding and utilizing the power of action to influence emotion you can create a virtuous cycle where your actions determine your emotions and over time begin to shape your identity.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Jul 10 2017

How to Be Who You Want to Be

By now you will have set your plans and goals and identified the habits, rituals and routines you need to succeed, but by the end of the year there’s a good chance you will have failed. We’ve all been there too many times.

And while there may be many reasons for being in this position (again) one thing is clear: if you haven’t made sure the right ‘you’ is on board to make it happen, then it won’t.

Who Are You?

How we define ourselves determines our perception of what we believe we are capable of and ultimately our actions. This is because we always act in accordance with our self -image. So, for example, if you believe that you are a person who struggles to lose weight, then your subconscious mind will try to ensure you act consistently with that self-image and sabotage your 2016 exercise and diet plans. Put simply, our identity is our OS.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” Henry Ford

Our current identity and self-image is the result of inputs of data from multiple sources over a period of time going right back to childhood. These inputs include how others describe us (in particular parents and teachers) and our experiences, including successes and failures.

A person who has had many failures may choose to define themselves as a failure, rather than look to the example of Richard Branson and recognize they are in good company. A more empowering description is that of someone who is working towards success and has failed along the way. Given the critical importance of ‘active optimism’ this is plainly a far more empowering and useful self-image.

“I think therefore I am” Descartes

The views of others can have a powerful impact on how we shape our identity and perception of our abilities. The ‘Pygmalion Effect’ refers to the phenomenon whereby higher expectations lead to higher performance. Several decades ago the authors of ‘Pygmalion in the Classroom’ demonstrated that when teachers expect students to do well and show intellectual growth, they do; when teachers do not have such expectations, performance and growth is low.

Upgrade Your Identity

Your identity, like your beliefs, is not set in stone. You may have previously decided you are someone who cannot lose weight or cannot make your business profitable, until you do. And the moment you do, you prove your previous belief to be wrong. Rather than wait, take responsibility for defining who you are and reap the benefits of believing you are capable of great things.

The following process will enable you to upgrade your identity.

Get Clear on Who You Think You Are today. The first step is to get clear as to how you currently perceive yourself. Set aside some quiet time and create two columns on a sheet of paper and in the left-hand column write down (your brain prefers this to typing) the key elements of your self-image.

Challenge the Assumptions. In the right hand column, prove those negative aspects of your self-image to be wrong. Challenge the foundation for the assumptions e.g. if you have defined yourself as a failure because you have failed in the past, demonstrate the flawed logic of ‘Failing = Failure’ by simply acknowledging the fact that most successful people have failed many times.

Create Your New Self-Image. Now write out a new identity for yourself that reflects the person you need to be in order to achieve what’s most important to you. Write as though you are already that person e.g. ‘I am focused and driven’. Your identity statement need only be a few sentences. Ideally do this step of the process when you’re feeling good. If necessary, make yourself feel good by playing your favorite music track or doing whatever works for you.

Once you’ve created your identity statement, read it out aloud once a day, ideally in the morning. Stand strong when you’re reading it and say it like you mean it. Engaging your body and emotions while reading your statement out aloud is the most effective way of installing your upgrade. If you can do it like these guys then all the better.

Reinforce. To make this upgrade as effective as possible, there are two further steps you should take. The first is to visualize. Visualization is a highly effective process for rewiring your brain and is widely used by athletes and the military. Spend 3 minutes at the end of every evening visualizing yourself acting in accordance with your new identity. It’s important that you do not focus on your desired outcomes but on your actions and behaviors.

Although this process is short, you need to make sure you are somewhere quiet and won’t be disturbed. The key to effective visualization is making it as real as you can in your mind. See, hear and feel yourself acting in accordance with your new self-image. The more you visualize, the easier and more effective it becomes.

“If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.”

William James, Pioneering American Psychologist, 1842-1910

The second technique that will reinforce your identity is ‘acting as if’. William James, regarded by many as the father of American psychology is credited with first introducing the concept of ‘acting as if’ in his lecture ‘The Will to Believe’ published in 1897.

When you ‘act as if’ you already have the quality you desire, your Reticular Activation System which resides in your brain, directs your behavior to narrow the gap between your present situation and the desired situation.

Now you know how, upgrade, enjoy and win!

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance and Resilience.