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martin soorjoo

How to Be Who You Want to Be

who are you

By now you will have set your plans and goals and identified the habits, rituals and routines you need to succeed, but by the end of the year there’s a good chance you will have failed. We’ve all been there too many times.

And while there may be many reasons for being in this position (again) one thing is clear: if you haven’t made sure the right ‘you’ is on board to make it happen, then it won’t.

Who Are You?

How we define ourselves determines our perception of what we believe we are capable of and ultimately our actions. This is because we always act in accordance with our self -image. So, for example, if you believe that you are a person who struggles to lose weight, then your subconscious mind will try to ensure you act consistently with that self-image and sabotage your 2016 exercise and diet plans. Put simply, our identity is our OS.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”  Henry Ford

Our current identity and self-image is the result of inputs of data from multiple sources over a period of time going right back to childhood. These inputs include how others describe us (in particular parents and teachers) and our experiences, including successes and failures.

A person who has had many failures may choose to define themselves as a failure, rather than look to the example of Richard Branson and recognize they are in good company. A more empowering description is that of someone who is working towards success and has failed along the way. Given the critical importance of ‘active optimism’ this is plainly a far more empowering and useful self-image.

“I think therefore I am”    Descartes

The views of others can have a powerful impact on how we shape our identity and perception of our abilities. The ‘Pygmalion Effect’ refers to the phenomenon whereby higher expectations lead to higher performance. Several decades ago the authors of ‘Pygmalion in the Classroom’ demonstrated that when teachers expect students to do well and show intellectual growth, they do; when teachers do not have such expectations, performance and growth is low.

Upgrade Your Identity

Your identity, like your beliefs, is not set in stone. You may have previously decided you are someone who cannot lose weight or cannot make your business profitable, until you do. And the moment you do, you prove your previous belief to be wrong. Rather than wait, take responsibility for defining who you are and reap the benefits of believing you are capable of great things.

The following process will enable you to upgrade your identity.

Get Clear on Who You Think You Are today. The first step is to get clear as to how you currently perceive yourself. Set aside some quiet time and create two columns on a sheet of paper and in the left-hand column write down (your brain prefers this to typing) the key elements of your self-image.

Challenge the Assumptions. In the right hand column, prove those negative aspects of your self-image to be wrong. Challenge the foundation for the assumptions e.g. if you have defined yourself as a failure because you have failed in the past, demonstrate the flawed logic of ‘Failing = Failure’ by simply acknowledging the fact that most successful people have failed many times.

Create Your New Self-Image. Now write out a new identity for yourself that reflects the person you need to be in order to achieve what’s most important to you. Write as though you are already that person e.g. ‘I am focused and driven’. Your identity statement need only be a few sentences. Ideally do this step of the process when you’re feeling good. If necessary, make yourself feel good by playing your favorite music track or doing whatever works for you.

Once you’ve created your identity statement, read it out aloud once a day, ideally in the morning. Stand strong when you’re reading it and say it like you mean it. Engaging your body and emotions while reading your statement out aloud is the most effective way of installing your upgrade. If you can do it like these guys then all the better.

 

Reinforce. To make this upgrade as effective as possible, there are two further steps you should take. The first is to visualize. Visualization is a highly effective process for rewiring your brain and is widely used by athletes and the military. Spend 3 minutes at the end of every evening visualizing yourself acting in accordance with your new identity. It’s important that you do not focus on your desired outcomes but on your actions and behaviors.

Although this process is short, you need to make sure you are somewhere quiet and won’t be disturbed. The key to effective visualization is making it as real as you can in your mind. See, hear and feel yourself acting in accordance with your new self-image. The more you visualize, the easier and more effective it becomes.

“If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.”

William James, Pioneering American Psychologist, 1842-1910

The second technique that will reinforce your identity is ‘acting as if’. William James, regarded by many as the father of American psychology is credited with first introducing the concept of ‘acting as if’ in his lecture ‘The Will to Believe’ published in 1897.

When you ‘act as if’ you already have the quality you desire, your Reticular Activation System which resides in your brain, directs your behavior to narrow the gap between your present situation and the desired situation.

Now you know how, upgrade, enjoy and win!

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance and  Resilience. 

05 Nick Littlehales​ -​ Using Sleep to Maximize your Performance and Productivity

Nick Littlehales on Inside Mastery with Martin Soorjoo

Today’s guest is sleep coach to elite performers and the leading sport sleep coach in the world, Nick Littlehales.

Nick is the author of the phenomenal bestseller Sleep: The Myth of 8 Hours, the Power of Naps, and the New Plan to Recharge Our Body and Minds.

He is also the former chairman of UK Sleep Council, and his clients range from international sports teams and athletes to major companies. Today I’m talking to Nick about how to make sure our sleep provides us with maximum recovery so we can perform at our highest level.

You can Subscribe and Listen to the Podcast on iTunes, and be sure to leave me a Rating and Review!

Inside Mastery on iTunes

“It is still a little bit of a void in our days, in our weeks, where we wander into this area, and once we’re in it we have no control over what we’re going to get.” – Nick Littlehales

Show Notes:

  • How Nick became the guru of sleep
  • The importance of understanding sleep
  • How important sleep is for performance
  • The problems you’ll face if you don’t get good sleep
  • The most common myths about sleep
  • Why we believe we should only sleep in one block
  • The danger of trying to catch up on sleep
  • How blue light helps and hinders us
  • Why you can’t overstimulate your brain
  • The importance of planning and creating a routine
  • Why naps are worth taking
  • Why it’s important for your bedroom to be cool
  • What is the R90 sleep system?

“When you keep pushing blue light into your system, you’re just looking in the mirror and saying ‘stay awake.’” – Nick Littlehales

Links Mentioned:

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Website

“Every ninety minutes throughout the day, give your brain a chance to download and deal with all the information you’re getting.” – Nick Littlehales

Solving Stress the Easy and Enjoyable Way

 

While research continues to highlight the benefits of stress (for more on this read Kelly McGonigal, PhD’s excellent ‘The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It’), the position remains that some forms of stress e.g. long-term chronic stress can be destructive to our physical and emotional well-being.

The Problem With Standard Solutions to Stress

Although there are 101 strategies and techniques for addressing stress issues, people often perceive the solutions as being ineffective, drawn out and just another list of tasks to add to their already stressful to-do list and busy day.

An example of this was provided to me by a client who told me that her attempts last year to address her stress issues involved two CBT meetings a week, travelling 50 miles each trip. Her demanding role as CMO at a fast growing company meant that this ‘solution’ left her feeling exhausted and more stressed.

Feeling Good About Dealing with Stress

The implications of the above means that those working in the field of stress management must provide solutions that are easy to integrate into busy lives and result in the recipients feeling better, not worse.

The easier to implement and more enjoyable the solution the more likely it is to be adopted and result in a successful outcome. The following three ‘techniques’ that I use and recommend to friends, family and clients fall into this category.

Develop and Maintain Meaningful Friendships

Our brains rightly perceive our social networks as being essential to survival. Extended periods of loneliness and isolation consequently trigger our stress response. An extensive Harvard study concluded that a lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death by a staggering 50%.

Making and enjoying real and meaningful social connections (not a shallow social media interaction) reduces stress and anxiety as a result of the release of the powerful ‘feel good’ hormone, oxytocin. It’s important to note that what matters is the quality of the relationships not the quantity.

Be Grateful

In order to ensure we survive, our brains are hardwired to notice and focus on the negative. This is one of the primary reasons that media coverage of the news focuses on the negative. It goes without saying that operating with a negative focus goes hand in hand with being negatively stressed.

Research has proven that regularly acknowledging and feeling grateful for the people, experiences and things in our lives that we value, reduces stress and improves our overall well-being.

There are a number of effective ways to practice gratitude including:

  • Writing in a journal several times a week, three things you are grateful for.
  • Sharing three things you’re grateful for with a loved one or close friend.
  • Letting people know that you value and appreciate them.

While the research is clear as to the benefits of a gratitude practice, there are differing conclusions as to the appropriate frequency. Experiment with which practice and frequency works best for you, making sure you are connecting with, and fully expressing your feelings of gratitude and not simply ticking three things off as though they were items on your to-do list.

Embrace Rather than Fear Stress

In The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It’, Kelly McGonigal identifies the many proven benefits of stress. Stress can improve your ability to perform and make you happier, smarter and stronger. McGonigal lays out a compelling argument based on extensive research, that choosing to embrace stress can result in you feeling more empowered.

Simply by changing our mindset and perception towards the stress we may experience, can have significant benefits for our health and happiness e.g. having a positive outlook on ageing can add an average of eight years to our lives. In short, how we choose to perceive something can transform its effect on us from negative to positive,

While there are specific mindset interventions for changing our perspective, it’s important to recognize that we change our opinions, beliefs and perspectives on a frequent basis. An obvious example occurs when we feel angry or disappointed at someone who has kept us waiting for a long time. We might initially think they are inconsiderate or inefficient. If, however, we subsequently discover they have an extremely good reason for being late, that belief is instantly dispelled. We can and must do the same when it comes to our perception of stress.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase performance and resilience

To Plan for the Future You Must Live In the Present

The Downside of Do More Faster

When I first qualified as an attorney 25 years ago (a barrister at the English bar wearing a fancy wig and gown), my prime directive was something like do more faster. This seed was probably sewn when I was a young boy obsessed with the amazing abilities of the bionic Steve Austin (AKA the Six Million Dollar Man) who became ‘better, stronger, faster…’.

Fast forward ten years later as an attorney having done a lot more, faster and longer but beginning to experience the negative side effects of stress along with wondering where the years had gone, I began my quest for a better way of living. Meditation and mindfulness were just two of the practices I discovered, trained in and continue to use and share with the family, friends and clients.

The purpose of this post is not to outline numerous well-researched and proven benefits of meditation and mindfulness but to address the myth that mindfulness is at odds with living in the fast lane. If, however, you are not yet aware of the benefits  including improved cognitive ability,  stress-management, reduced blood pressure and improved emotional regulation see here ‘Why Google, Target, and General Mills Are Investing in Mindfulness’ or ‘7 Ways Meditation Can Actually Change The Brain’.

But I Need to Be Eddie Morra

The impetus for the post arose when a client was resistant to my suggestion that he explore meditation and mindfulness as one way of alleviating the extreme stress he was experiencing. His objection was based on the fact as CEO, he was primarily responsible for setting the strategy for the company and that meant he needed to keep his mind on the future and operating with speed. His misunderstanding was that being mindful meant only living in the present, always proceeding slowly.

 

 

Despite the dramatic increase in mindfulness meditation by high performance individuals ranging from CEO’s of some of the largest companies in the world to Special Forces operators, a perception remains that being a mindfulness practitioner means  leading a life similar to that advocated by ‘Master Po to ‘Grasshopper’ in Kung Fu.

 

How Being More Present Can Result in Better Strategy

Mindfulness provides you with one way of effectively dealing with the relentless challenges and distractions of the present. I have always thought of my days as similar to the experience of standing in the middle of an 8 lane freeway facing oncoming traffic (I accidentally tried this in my teens). I, like so many us, often find myself subjected to an ever increasing number of emails, texts, calls, notifications and meetings. This can greatly undermine clarity of thought and energy.

Mindfulness facilitates the ability to enjoy the best parts of the present e.g. moments with family and friends and positive experiences while being able to step back, create some white space and not simply be reactive. It also enables you to operate at a higher and more effective level when you need to move up a gear or three.

Steve Jobs, used a meditation and mindfulness practice to enhance his creative insight in planning, and legendary investor Ray Dalio of Bridgewater Capital uses meditation to gain greater clarity. He has stated that the practice is the most important ingredient in his success.

Planning and strategizing for the future places a heavy load on our pre-frontal cortex. In other words it is seriously hard work. By ensuring you are less drained and less stressed by the demands of the present and by equipping you with greater clarity of mind and creativity, mindfulness enables you to both more effectively live in the present and plan for the future.

Martin Soorjoo works with teams and individuals helping them increase their performance and resilience.

In Defence of Winning

 

In recent times, competition and winning have got a bad rap. Some argue that competition is destructive and undermines cooperation and respect within society and organizations. It’s not the winning but the participation that matters, is a justification frequently advanced for not succeeding. In schools nowadays we see prizes being awarded for coming 10th.

While winning isn’t always everything and attempting to win at everything, aside from being an ego driven strategy, is a surefire way to achieve burnout, there can be little doubt that succeeding in what’s important to you, matters greatly.

Winning On your Terms

Whether it’s getting the job offer or promotion, raising venture capital or a family, winning in the boardroom or more importantly on the battlefield, winning can be the difference between depression and happiness, bankruptcy and solvency and in some cases life or death. The harsh reality is that there are rarely any meaningful second prizes for simply participating or practicing.

Remember Enron  and Armstrong

This is not to say that attempting to win by ‘any means necessary’ is acceptable.

Playing by the rules and respecting your competitors provides valuable learning and growth and helps maintain stability within societies and organizations. Cheating is nearly always ultimately destructive – just think of Enron and Lance Armstrong.

The ‘Win Win’ of Competition

Competition is the route to winning and of itself provides many benefits including being an engine of the global economy, raising standards and quality and spurring innovation. Studies have repeatedly shown that in a competitive environment, most people improve their effort and performance.

Attempting to win means we get better as we inevitably try harder and perhaps more importantly, we inspire others to seek to do better. We just need to remember how inspired we feel when we watch an Olympic athlete win the gold medal or our team win the Superbowl. We admire their mental toughness, resilience and determination.

When we have the courage to go for gold and be the best that we can, we and others win, even when we lose.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Effectiveness and Resilience.