martin soorjoo

Aug 20 2017

The Power of Trade-Offs

Can You Have it all?

It took me several decades to fully appreciate that the myth that you can ‘have it all’ really is just that – a myth. This belief, often pedaled by personal development and success coaches, undermines fulfillment and meaningful achievement in our personal and work lives.

The belief that ‘you can have it all’ pervades our lives in various guises ranging from being busy rather than effective, multi-tasking rather than single tasking, working on multiple businesses and projects rather than one, having thousands of online ‘friends’ rather than enjoying a few deep ‘real world’ relationships.

Many Priorities vs One Real Priority

More than ever we live in an era where quantity is perceived as a triumph over quality. Always being busy, having plenty on the go and getting by on a few hours sleep are badges of honor. This thinking in part is driven by not wanting to miss out on the opportunity for something better. The reality is that living our lives this way means that better never comes.

At What Cost?

Living life a life of over-commitment (as I did for much of my twenties and thirties) has many costs including:

Always being stressed
Always feeling exhausted
Always being late for meetings or deadlines
Letting family, friends, co-workers and clients down
Not completing important tasks and projects
Producing poor quality work
Not having any downtime and playtime
The undermining of creativity and clarity
Not feeling fulfilled and happy

When I look back, my greatest regrets are not spending more time with the people who mattered most to me and my greatest failures were often contributed to by spreading myself too thinly, consequently not giving 100%.

Unlocking the Power of Our Most Valuable Asset

Time is our most valuable asset. While we can make more money we cannot make more time. This logically means we cannot have it all. When presented with several attractive options it is natural to want to explore them all. The key, however, to making the most of what we currently have and the many opportunities that lie before us, is to consciously utilize the power of ‘trade-offs’.

When presented with several opportunities at once, rather than proceed with the mindset of having your cake and eating it, decide which of the available options you most want and put your energies and focus into that option only. While this approach is not easy, not least because we are twice as averse to loss as we are to making an equal gain, it’s better to consciously decide to take this path than have the negative consequences of trying to have it all foisted on you.

This may mean deciding whether you choose to spend 2 hours on social media having snatches of conversations with people you have never met or deciding to have a drink or dinner with one of your closest friends whose company you always enjoy. Deciding whether to take just one more call or send one more email or turn up on time for that important meeting? Making the decision not to spread yourself thinly across 3 business that all have potential or putting your time energy and focus into the business your heart is really in, thereby increasing its chances of success.

An Empowering Mindset and Approach

When faced with several attractive opportunities at once, frame your choice in terms of which opportunity (whether personal or work related) you will choose to give 100% to in order to increase the likelihood of success and fulfillment.

This approach is consciously adopted by outperformers across every field. On his return to Apple Steve Jobs famously slashed the number of product lines and focused the company’s time, energies and resources on a select few. Those who excel in sport and athletics, rarely focus on more than one event, even though they might actually be good at 2 or 3. A jack of all trades is rarely a master of one.

Embracing and utilizing the power of trade-offs, not only increases the chances of you succeeding in those endeavors that you fully invest your time, energy and focus in but it also results in less stress and more fulfillment. Saying ‘no’ is liberating. Fewer tasks, projects and businesses and not rushing from one thing to another, inevitably results in greater clarity and creativity. You can breathe again.

Choosing to spend your time with those you love and those whose company you value, as well as spending time doing the things you love, inevitably results in greater happiness and fulfillment. I didn’t have the foresight to live my live this way in the past, but I now have the benefit of hindsight, and while remaining relentless in my desire to succeed and be fulfilled, I will never again be seduced by the myth of having it all.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Aug 13 2017

Success and The Upside of No Plan B

Get That History Degree

Responsible people and organizations always have a plan B. This approach is instilled in us from an early age. You may want to go to Hollywood but just in case, have a backup plan and get that history degree.

While there are clear benefits to the safety net of a plan B, there is a significant downside. The safety net may end up being a noose. From a psychological standpoint, if you know you have a backup plan then you cannot be 100% committed to plan A.

Not having a plan B is an approach that many successful individuals have intuitively understood is a key to winning. Elite athletes are well known for putting all of ‘their eggs in one basket’.

“The dangers of life are infinite, and among them is safety.” Goethe

According to Research…

Recent research from Wharton has confirmed the downside to making a backup plan. The process of considering a backup plan may result in less effort being invested in the primary goal, inevitably reducing the chances of success.

Professors Shin and Milkman, detail their findings in “How Backup Plans Can Harm Goal Pursuit: The Unexpected Downside of Being Prepared for Failure”.

The researchers found that simply thinking about a plan B, without actually creating it, was enough to cause people to lose focus on their goal. According to Milkman

“When people were prompted to think about another way to achieve the same high-level outcome in case they failed in their primary goal, they worked less hard and did less well.”

To be or Not to Be Responsible?

So do we play it safe but lessen our chances of winning? To some extent this depends on your ability to tolerate risk and the consequences of losing, in addition to the importance of your goals. Milkman and Shin suggest delaying making a backup plan until after you have done everything you can to achieve your primary goal, however, the reality is that sometimes this will be too late.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” — Mark Twain

Aug 08 2017

Pressure Management – Beware the ‘One Shot’ Mindset

If You Had One Shot

Managers and coaches will frequently try to motivate individuals and teams by stating that this is ‘your one big shot’, its ‘now or never’ etc. Individuals also frequently engage in this form of self-talk. While the intention behind this approach is positive and understandable, it’s nearly always counterproductive as it intensifies pressure by increasing feelings of potential risk and loss.

When One Shot Thinking Backfires

While pressure can be useful as a trigger for getting started on a task e.g. where someone is procrastinating, the research is clear that for the vast majority of people it undermines their performance.

The problem with feelings of loss and risk is that they have a strong negative impact on our thinking and behavior. Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman has demonstrated that we are twice as averse to loss as we are to making an equal gain. This results in ‘playing it safe’ and as we sometimes see with sports teams, ‘playing not to lose’.

When working with clients who have an important negotiation, presentation, interview or other high consequence event, I always remind them while it is important they prepare to win, the reality is that there is nearly always another shot. This simple pressure management reality check typically results in an instant exhalation of breath and relaxation of posture and facial expression. The pressure is instantly reduced and performance capability consequently increased.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Aug 06 2017

How to Stop Being a Slave to Your Emotions and Change How Your Feel

Slaves to Emotion

There is a prevalent view in Western societies that it is ‘normal’ that our emotions and feelings influence and in many cases drive our actions. Excuses and justifications from ‘I didn’t feel like doing it’ or ‘I couldn’t help myself’ are the norm and often viewed as acceptable responses and justifications.

We believe that our emotional state is critical to whether we succeed or fail because, so the flawed reasoning continues, because our emotions influence or determine our actions.

Taking this reasoning to its logical conclusion, it is sometimes assumed that emotions ultimately determine our identity e.g. ‘I felt angry (emotion) and lashed out (action) and consequently I am an angry person (identity). We and others identify ourselves by our feelings and behavior.

The Prevalent But Flawed Model

Acting As If

The above approach not only undermines our ability to influence or determine our future but it overlooks the fact that our actions change how we feel. Psychologists have known this for centuries. William James, regarded as the founder of American Psychology, believed that emotions arise from the physical actions we take in response to what is happening in our lives. In other words, behavior creates emotion.

In recent times psychiatrists have started encouraging patients suffering from depression to smile for a few minutes at a time. One recent study found that smiling can double the chances of recovering from depression. You don’t need to feel happy, just make smile irrespective of how you feel inside and your emotions will soon start to match your external representation. Similarly, it has also been repeatedly demonstrated that exercise or even movement changes our emotional state both for the short and long term.

The 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment conducted by Professor Zimardo powerfully demonstrated when people took on certain roles and acted in a certain way they began to feel the way people in those roles felt and began to act consistently with those roles.

Over time, the more consistently you begin to act and consequently feel a certain way, the more you will take on that desired identity. To bring this point to life; if every morning you tackled your most important task first, worked through your priorities using the Pomodoro technique and blocked out distractions with noise canceling headphones and turning off all notifications you would be plainly be productive. If you were consistent in this behavior, over time your would begin to define and be defined as a productive person.

A Virtuous Cycle

None of the above should be taken as suggesting that emotions are irrelevant to our ability to succeed or fail. People often achieve greatness when they are fueled by emotion – both good and bad. By understanding and utilizing the power of action to influence emotion you can create a virtuous cycle where your actions determine your emotions and over time begin to shape your identity.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Jul 10 2017

How to Be Who You Want to Be

By now you will have set your plans and goals and identified the habits, rituals and routines you need to succeed, but by the end of the year there’s a good chance you will have failed. We’ve all been there too many times.

And while there may be many reasons for being in this position (again) one thing is clear: if you haven’t made sure the right ‘you’ is on board to make it happen, then it won’t.

Who Are You?

How we define ourselves determines our perception of what we believe we are capable of and ultimately our actions. This is because we always act in accordance with our self -image. So, for example, if you believe that you are a person who struggles to lose weight, then your subconscious mind will try to ensure you act consistently with that self-image and sabotage your 2016 exercise and diet plans. Put simply, our identity is our OS.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” Henry Ford

Our current identity and self-image is the result of inputs of data from multiple sources over a period of time going right back to childhood. These inputs include how others describe us (in particular parents and teachers) and our experiences, including successes and failures.

A person who has had many failures may choose to define themselves as a failure, rather than look to the example of Richard Branson and recognize they are in good company. A more empowering description is that of someone who is working towards success and has failed along the way. Given the critical importance of ‘active optimism’ this is plainly a far more empowering and useful self-image.

“I think therefore I am” Descartes

The views of others can have a powerful impact on how we shape our identity and perception of our abilities. The ‘Pygmalion Effect’ refers to the phenomenon whereby higher expectations lead to higher performance. Several decades ago the authors of ‘Pygmalion in the Classroom’ demonstrated that when teachers expect students to do well and show intellectual growth, they do; when teachers do not have such expectations, performance and growth is low.

Upgrade Your Identity

Your identity, like your beliefs, is not set in stone. You may have previously decided you are someone who cannot lose weight or cannot make your business profitable, until you do. And the moment you do, you prove your previous belief to be wrong. Rather than wait, take responsibility for defining who you are and reap the benefits of believing you are capable of great things.

The following process will enable you to upgrade your identity.

Get Clear on Who You Think You Are today. The first step is to get clear as to how you currently perceive yourself. Set aside some quiet time and create two columns on a sheet of paper and in the left-hand column write down (your brain prefers this to typing) the key elements of your self-image.

Challenge the Assumptions. In the right hand column, prove those negative aspects of your self-image to be wrong. Challenge the foundation for the assumptions e.g. if you have defined yourself as a failure because you have failed in the past, demonstrate the flawed logic of ‘Failing = Failure’ by simply acknowledging the fact that most successful people have failed many times.

Create Your New Self-Image. Now write out a new identity for yourself that reflects the person you need to be in order to achieve what’s most important to you. Write as though you are already that person e.g. ‘I am focused and driven’. Your identity statement need only be a few sentences. Ideally do this step of the process when you’re feeling good. If necessary, make yourself feel good by playing your favorite music track or doing whatever works for you.

Once you’ve created your identity statement, read it out aloud once a day, ideally in the morning. Stand strong when you’re reading it and say it like you mean it. Engaging your body and emotions while reading your statement out aloud is the most effective way of installing your upgrade. If you can do it like these guys then all the better.

Reinforce. To make this upgrade as effective as possible, there are two further steps you should take. The first is to visualize. Visualization is a highly effective process for rewiring your brain and is widely used by athletes and the military. Spend 3 minutes at the end of every evening visualizing yourself acting in accordance with your new identity. It’s important that you do not focus on your desired outcomes but on your actions and behaviors.

Although this process is short, you need to make sure you are somewhere quiet and won’t be disturbed. The key to effective visualization is making it as real as you can in your mind. See, hear and feel yourself acting in accordance with your new self-image. The more you visualize, the easier and more effective it becomes.

“If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.”

William James, Pioneering American Psychologist, 1842-1910

The second technique that will reinforce your identity is ‘acting as if’. William James, regarded by many as the father of American psychology is credited with first introducing the concept of ‘acting as if’ in his lecture ‘The Will to Believe’ published in 1897.

When you ‘act as if’ you already have the quality you desire, your Reticular Activation System which resides in your brain, directs your behavior to narrow the gap between your present situation and the desired situation.

Now you know how, upgrade, enjoy and win!

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance and Resilience.