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martin soorjoo

Aug 28 2017

How to Harness Fear, Failure and Frustration to Dramatically Increase Motivation

 

fear and motivation

Motivation is frequently linked to optimism and positivity. The 1952 classic and bestseller ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by the Reverend Norman Vincent Peale, was translated into 15 languages and to date has sold more than 7million copies. It is still very popular today.

Positive thinking dominates the fields of self-help and human performance, from images with inspirational quotations (the sort that I frequently share on social media) to the use of tried and tested mental performance tools such as positive self-talk and visualizing success.

To be clear, these tools are not used by hippies in fields of flowers living a vegan, organic lifestyle, but by Olympians, special forces operators and other elite performers, as well as being a management tool used by many Fortune 500 companies.

In ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’, Nobel Prize-winner Daniel Kahneman described optimism as the “engine of capitalism” stating that:

“Optimistic individuals play a disproportionate role in shaping our lives. Their decisions make a difference; they are the inventors, the entrepreneurs, the political and military leaders — not average people.”

Professor Martin Seligman, former President of the American Psychological Association and credited as being the ‘father of Positive Psychology has repeatedly demonstrated that optimism promotes both resilience and persistence.

Seligman consulted with the Pentagon on the development of the military’s Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program, which sought to assess and enhance soldiers’ ability to cope with all of life’s challenges, including the mental rigors of combat.

The authors (one a retired Navy SEAL) of ‘Stronger: Develop the Resilience You Need to Succeed’ identify active optimism as the leading factor in personal resilience—the ability to tolerate stress, see opportunities in adversity, and keep pushing forward.

So it’s clear; being opimistic and focusing on the positive increases motivation, resilience and achievement. However…

The Downside of Being Upbeat

Over the past few years researchers, neuroscientists and psychologists have begun to demonstrate that focusing on the positive can be detrimental to motivation and achievement.

New York University psychology professor and author of ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking’  Gabriele Oettingen, persuasively contends that visualizing a successful outcome can make people less likely to achieve it.

Researchers have also found that people in a negative mood develop more persuasive arguments than people in a positive mood, and that negative moods can improve memory.

Perhaps this is why so many lawyers are negative and suffer from disproportionately high levels of depression than other professions. Although never suffering from depression, as a Barrister practising at the Bar of England and Wales for 14 years (arguing cases rather than making coffee), I certainly spent much of my career focusing on the negative.

Denial can also be a consequence of positive thinking. Barbara Ehrenreich, journalist and author of ‘Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America’, argues that the 2008 economic crisis was partly a result of people’s refusal to consider negative outcomes, like mortgage defaults.

The Upside of Focusing on the Negative

Focusing on the negative can have two distinct benefits. The first is the avoidance of denial and enabling of more effective planning. The second benefit is that negative emotions, possibly triggered by painful memories, can fuel determination and action.

One effective technique for utilising the power of negative focus is that of the premortem. Here you imagine things have gone wrong before they have and then analyse all of the reasons you might have failed.

Brad Stulberg, author of ‘Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout’ and Thrive With the New Science of Success’ explains

“It may seem like the negative thinking inherent to a premortem would work against self-belief and confidence. But if anything, it actually works toward it. When you force yourself to become aware of all that could go wrong, you become more likely to take the necessary steps to ensure that things go right.”

Using the Dark Side as Motivation

Elite performers will frequently access their painful memories, dark thoughts and negative emotions to fuel their motivation during extreme challlenges.

Robert Wicks, psychologist and author of the book ‘Bounce: Living the Resilient Life’, talks of the angry resolve frustrated athletes feel as “sweet disgust”. This refers to the determination to fight back which goes hand in hand, in this context, with anger.

Tim Grover, coach to legends such as Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant and author of the compelling ‘Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable’ refers to controlled anger being a deadly weapon that

“can ignite our competitive intensity, laser focus, and a relentless craving to attack and conquer.”

Retired Navy SEAL and ultra-marathon runner, David Goggins, described as ‘the hardest man alive’ uses his difficult experiences to fuel his motivation as well as thinking some very dark thoughts. His achievements are truly remarkable. Watch this interview with him and you’ll immediately understand what I mean.

Last week I had the privilege of interviewing Ret Navy SEAL Commander, Alden Mills, for my podcast show. In addition to having operated in the SEALS, Mills also overcame asthma, going on to win a gold medal for rowing, went on to lead his first company to $90 million in sales in just three years and authored the excellent ‘Be Unstoppable: The 8 Essential Actions to Succeed at Anything’.

During the interview Mills describes how, in times of challenge, he would intensely visualize himself failing and the attendant painful consequences of doing so. These negative visualizations would help propel him forward to crush the obstacle or challenge.

Key Takeaways

  • Mental performance techniques and strategies that focus on positivity and active optimism can be powerful solutions for increasing motivation and action.
  • For some people, in some contexts, positive thinking can undermine motivation and achievement.
  • Anger, painful memories or future visualizations of negative outcomes can be very powerful tools for increasing motivation and driving performance, particularly when facing extreme challenges.
  • One size does not fit all. Which strategy works will depend on who you are, what is going on in your life at the time and what challenge you are facing.

Written by martin soorjoo · Categorized: Goals, Motivation, performance, Resilience · Tagged: achievement, goals, motivation, peak perormance, performance, resilience, success

Aug 20 2017

The Power of Trade-Offs

Tradeoffs

Can You Have it all?

It took me several decades to fully appreciate that the myth that you can ‘have it all’ really is just that – a myth. This belief, often pedaled by personal development and success coaches, undermines fulfillment and meaningful achievement in our personal and work lives.

The belief that ‘you can have it all’ pervades our lives in various guises ranging from being busy rather than effective, multi-tasking rather than single tasking, working on multiple businesses and projects rather than one, having thousands of online ‘friends’ rather than enjoying a few deep ‘real world’ relationships.

Many Priorities vs One Real Priority

More than ever we live in an era where quantity is perceived as a triumph over quality. Always being busy, having plenty on the go and getting by on a few hours sleep are badges of honor. This thinking in part is driven by not wanting to miss out on the opportunity for something better. The reality is that living our lives this way means that better never comes.

At What Cost?

 Living life a life of over-commitment (as I did for much of my twenties and thirties) has many costs including:

  • Always being stressed
  • Always feeling exhausted
  • Always being late for meetings or deadlines
  • Letting family, friends, co-workers and clients down
  • Not completing important tasks and projects
  • Producing poor quality work
  • Not having any downtime and playtime
  • The undermining of creativity and clarity
  • Not feeling fulfilled and happy

When I look back, my greatest regrets are not spending more time with the people who mattered most to me and my greatest failures were often contributed to by spreading myself too thinly, consequently not giving 100%.

Unlocking the Power of Our Most Valuable Asset

Time is our most valuable asset. While we can make more money we cannot make more time. This logically means we cannot have it all. When presented with several attractive options it is natural to want to explore them all. The key, however, to making the most of what we currently have and the many opportunities that lie before us, is to consciously utilize the power of ‘trade-offs’.

When presented with several opportunities at once, rather than proceed with the mindset of having your cake and eating it, decide which of the available options you most want and put your energies and focus into that option only. While this approach is not easy, not least because we are twice as averse to loss as we are to making an equal gain, it’s better to consciously decide to take this path than have the negative consequences of trying to have it all foisted on you.

This may mean deciding whether you choose to spend 2 hours on social media having snatches of conversations with people you have never met or deciding to have a drink or dinner with one of your closest friends whose company you always enjoy. Deciding whether to take just one more call or send one more email or turn up on time for that important meeting? Making the decision not to spread yourself thinly across 3 business that all have potential or putting your time energy and focus into the business your heart is really in, thereby increasing its chances of success.

An Empowering Mindset and Approach

When faced with several attractive opportunities at once, frame your choice in terms of which opportunity (whether personal or work related) you will choose to give 100% to in order to increase the likelihood of success and fulfillment.

This approach is consciously adopted by outperformers across every field. On his return to Apple Steve Jobs famously slashed the number of product lines and focused the company’s time, energies and resources on a select few. Those who excel in sport and athletics, rarely focus on more than one event, even though they might actually be good at 2 or 3. A jack of all trades is rarely a master of one.

Embracing and utilizing the power of trade-offs, not only increases the chances of you succeeding in those endeavors that you fully invest your time, energy and focus in but it also results in less stress and more fulfillment. Saying ‘no’ is liberating. Fewer tasks, projects and businesses and not rushing from one thing to another, inevitably results in greater clarity and creativity. You can breathe again.

Choosing to spend your time with those you love and those whose company you value, as well as spending time doing the things you love, inevitably results in greater happiness and fulfillment. I didn’t have the foresight to live my live this way in the past, but I now have the benefit of hindsight, and while remaining relentless in my desire to succeed and be fulfilled, I will never again be seduced by the myth of having it all.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Written by martin soorjoo · Categorized: mindset, performance, productivity, Stress Management, success, Time Management · Tagged: mindset, peak performance, stress, time management

Aug 13 2017

Success and The Upside of No Plan B

NoPLAN-B

Get That History Degree

Responsible people and organizations always have a plan B. This approach is instilled in us from an early age. You may want to go to Hollywood but just in case, have a backup plan and get that history degree.

While there are clear benefits to the safety net of a plan B, there is a significant downside. The safety net may end up being a noose. From a psychological standpoint, if you know you have a backup plan then you cannot be 100% committed to plan A.

Not having a plan B is an approach that many successful individuals have intuitively understood is a key to winning. Elite athletes are well known for putting all of ‘their eggs in one basket’.

“The dangers of life are infinite, and among them is safety.” Goethe

According to Research…

Recent research from Wharton has confirmed the downside to making a backup plan. The process of considering a backup plan may result in less effort being invested in the primary goal, inevitably reducing the chances of success.

Professors Shin and Milkman, detail their findings in “How Backup Plans Can Harm Goal Pursuit: The Unexpected Downside of Being Prepared for Failure”.

The researchers found that simply thinking about a plan B, without actually creating it, was enough to cause people to lose focus on their goal. According to Milkman

“When people were prompted to think about another way to achieve the same high-level outcome in case they failed in their primary goal, they worked less hard and did less well.”

To be or Not to Be Responsible?

So do we play it safe but lessen our chances of winning? To some extent this depends on your ability to tolerate risk and the consequences of losing, in addition to the importance of your goals. Milkman and Shin suggest delaying making a backup plan until after you have done everything you can to achieve your primary goal, however, the reality is that sometimes this will be too late.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” — Mark Twain

Written by martin soorjoo · Categorized: Goals, success, winning · Tagged: goals, success, winning

Aug 08 2017

Pressure Management – Beware the ‘One Shot’ Mindset

Pressure

If You Had One Shot

Managers and coaches will frequently try to motivate individuals and teams by stating that this is ‘your one big shot’, its ‘now or never’ etc. Individuals also frequently engage in this form of self-talk. While the intention behind this approach is positive and understandable, it’s nearly always counterproductive as it intensifies pressure by increasing feelings of potential risk and loss.

When One Shot Thinking Backfires

While pressure can be useful as a trigger for getting started on a task e.g. where someone is procrastinating, the research is clear that for the vast majority of people it undermines their performance.

The problem with feelings of loss and risk is that they have a strong negative impact on our thinking and behavior. Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman has demonstrated that we are twice as averse to loss as we are to making an equal gain. This results in ‘playing it safe’ and as we sometimes see with sports teams, ‘playing not to lose’.

When working with clients who have an important negotiation, presentation, interview or other high consequence event, I always remind them while it is important they prepare to win, the reality is that there is nearly always another shot. This simple pressure management reality check typically results in an instant exhalation of breath and relaxation of posture and facial expression. The pressure is instantly reduced and performance capability consequently increased.

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Written by martin soorjoo · Categorized: Pressure management · Tagged: pressure management, procrastination

Aug 06 2017

How to Stop Being a Slave to Your Emotions and Change How Your Feel

 

Slaves to Emotion

There is a prevalent view in Western societies that it is ‘normal’ that our emotions and feelings influence and in many cases drive our actions. Excuses and justifications from ‘I didn’t feel like doing it’ or ‘I couldn’t help myself’ are the norm and often viewed as acceptable responses and justifications.

We believe that our emotional state is critical to whether we succeed or fail because, so the flawed reasoning continues, because our emotions influence or determine our actions.

Taking this reasoning to its logical conclusion, it is sometimes assumed that emotions ultimately determine our identity e.g. ‘I felt angry (emotion) and lashed out (action) and consequently I am an angry person (identity). We and others identify ourselves by our feelings and behavior.

The Prevalent But Flawed Model

flawed emotions 1

Acting As If

The above approach not only undermines our ability to influence or determine our future but it overlooks the fact that our actions change how we feel. Psychologists have known this for centuries. William James, regarded as the founder of American Psychology, believed that emotions arise from the physical actions we take in response to what is happening in our lives. In other words, behavior creates emotion.

In recent times psychiatrists have started encouraging patients suffering from depression to smile for a few minutes at a time. One recent study found that smiling can double the chances of recovering from depression. You don’t need to feel happy, just make smile irrespective of how you feel inside and your emotions will soon start to match your external representation. Similarly, it has also been repeatedly demonstrated that exercise or even movement changes our emotional state both for the short and long term.

The 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment conducted by Professor Zimardo powerfully demonstrated when people took on certain roles and acted in a certain way they began to feel the way people in those roles felt and began to act consistently with those roles.

Over time, the more consistently you begin to act and consequently feel a certain way, the more you will take on that desired identity. To bring this point to life; if every morning you tackled your most important task first, worked through your priorities using the Pomodoro technique and blocked out distractions with noise canceling headphones and turning off all notifications you would be plainly be productive. If you were consistent in this behavior, over time your would begin to define and be defined as a productive person.

A Virtuous Cycle

None of the above should be taken as suggesting that emotions are irrelevant to our ability to succeed or fail. People often achieve greatness when they are fueled by emotion – both good and bad. By understanding and utilizing the power of action to influence emotion you can create a virtuous cycle where your actions determine your emotions and over time begin to shape your identity.

virtuous cyle

Martin Soorjoo works with individuals and teams to increase their Performance, Focus and Ability to Manage Pressure

Written by martin soorjoo · Categorized: mental toughness, mindset, performance, winning · Tagged: Martin Soorjoo, mental toughness, mindset, peak performance, success, winning

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